Dorm life: How to be a good roommate?

Currently, I am serving a short stint in the police force. As a trainee, I am required to stay in camp during the weekdays. For the past five months, I have been in close proximity with my roommate. To date, neither of us has filed protection orders against each other. As such, I believe I do have a certain amount of authority on this subject.

The most important characteristic of a good roommate is patience. I have had my fair share of disagreements with my roommate, but all have been settled amicably. This was largely because both of us were willing to compromise, and believe me, compromise requires patience. Initially there were minor issues such as who takes the bed beside the window, who takes out the thrash or who cleans the toilet. Naturally, humans have a streak of self-centeredness. We tend to look for solutions that serve us best.

However, I realized that this mindset has to be drastically changed. Basic chores should be divided equally because this concerns your personal health. Perhaps some of you may not be as lucky as me to have a roommate who is a health/hygiene freak. Some of you may be stuck with complete slobs but do not fret. Do your fair share, and if you are feeling charitable, help to sweep up around his area too. In the long run, you are taking care of your own health and hopefully, your roommate might feel guilty for not doing any work and eventually relent to doing his share of the chores.

Being patient also means to not sweat the small stuff. Everyone has their own irritating habit. Most of the time, it cannot be controlled, such as sleep-talking, snoring or teeth-grinding. My own roommate sleep talks and although it was amusing at first, it drove me crazy after a few nights. Here I was trying to get my precious sleep when all of the sudden, my roommate starts spouting incomprehensible nonsense. I had to grit my teeth and endure his sleep talking.

Talking to him about his habits is a good idea. He might get offended and subsequently turn the gun around and accuse you of having your own irritating habits. It is better to thrash out all your problems early on and decide if you can spend the rest of your time in college with your roommate. However, I think that doing so is a bad idea. If you apply for a change of roommates, you are only running away from your problems. What if the next roommate is worse? I do not believe in running away from my problems.

I realize that if you just remain patient, eventually you will get use to his idiosyncrasies. Man has been the most successful species on Earth because we can adapt quickly. We will learn to filter out the irritating noises that escape from his mouth or learn to ignore his habits.

When sharing a room with someone else, there are three phases that one goes through. The first phase I dub the “awkwardly trying to accommodate each other” stage, for want of a better name. This phase is the shortest of the three phases. Again, it is only human nature to want to portray a good image or impression to strangers. During this phase, we will go out of the way to accommodate each other. The chores are split evenly, your roommate does not complain when you take the bed he wants or leaves the toilet seat up after you have used it. This phase lasts all of a week.

Next is the “step on my side of the room and I will strangle you” phase. This phase occurs when either you or your roommate can no longer stand each other habits. Your roommates stops trying to impress and leaves all the dirty work to you, literally. He takes your stuff without permission but guards his own belonging preciously. Communication is minimal at this point and if looks could kill, the police would be investigating a double homicide. However, do not be alarmed or disheartened. The second phase is a transition phase and if you have reached this phase, then you are only a few weeks away from the last phase.

The last phase is the “frat buddies” phase. Somehow, you have managed to get to this final stage with only scratches and bruised egos. The question on your mind now would no doubt be how I get from eternal enemies to sworn brothers? The answer is simple. Patience. Time heals all wounds and with time you will be able to settle your differences. Eventually both of you will learn to compromise, to give and take. Sharing a room with someone can be a life-changing experience. Well, maybe that statement is exaggerated, but honestly I have learnt so many valuable lessons.

I have learnt to lend a listening ear, even when all I want to do is complain about my day. I have learnt to respect my roommate for who he is, appreciate his culture and traditional practices. I have learnt that one good turn always deserves another. For example, on some days, he might ask me to buy him dinner, even though that would mean I would have to make a detour but on another occasion he might help me with my assignments (i.e. let me copy his work).

Being a good roommate is important if you want to enjoy your life in the university. Trust me the “frat buddies” phase is truly liberating. At this point, you and your roommate would share such a close relationship that he would not bat an eyelid if you pranced around naked on your bed. Instead of dividing chores equally, you both blackmail a freshman into cleaning your room for you. Ah! The perks of a healthy relationship. And it all starts with a little bit of patience!